Before You Fill 'In An Open Relationship' On Your Social Media Accounts, You May Wish To See This

Natural to human is an innate drive and tendency to have more. Change is the underlining word here. People clamour for change; at least it was the 'Change mantra' that was on the vanguard, heralding the leadership we have in Nigeria today. Change and the need to have more will always be on the front burner.

Nature changes, politicians change, society changes - so do relationships between individuals change. Lovers start yearning for more polarity and diversity in their relationships - especially during long-term relationships. So People slowly look into other options and experiment with different concepts that suits their lifestyle better.

Here is what I've observed over my many years of using the social media. This happens a lot on Facebook. I figured plethora of folks on the social network when asked their relationship status, fill in 'In An Open Relationship'. Studies has shown that many users who are culpable does not really understand what an open relationship is and how it works.

What An Open Relationship Is

An open relationship is an agreement between two people who want to be together but decide that they want to date and/or have physical relationships with other people too.

Here is a story that could put us in perspective:

I'm pretty sure monogamy was never for me. In fourth grade, I got in trouble with my boyfriend because he found out I had another boyfriend. Throughout high school and college, some of my relationships overlapped, and some were purely dishonest. But society told me I had to be with one person at a time, with the goal of choosing one person forever. I would often fall into a cycle of trying to make that work but eventually letting temptation get the best of me, and failing both parties of the relationship; especially my partner. I hurt people, and it felt so wrong. It was so wrong.

After a really great, long-term, successfully monogamous relationship ended, I was suddenly single in my late twenties and enjoying the freedom and the variety. That’s when I met Adam on OkCupid. Adam was fun and our chemistry was fantastic and rare, and though we kept it strictly physical, with those boundaries clearly defined throughout, spending time together was becoming the highlight. Eventually, the inevitable conversation came up naturally about what we were, and what we could be. We were both always aware of the existence of other lovers, but it was clear that we were each other's favorite. It occurred to us that we could keep the excitement and variety, and still let ourselves fall in love with each other. In July of 2012, we began an open relationship

Some people view an open relationship as a negative thing, while others see this type of relationship as a positive factor that can lead to more freedom or self-expression while in a relationship.  

Whichever of the two categories you may find yourself, the essence of this writeup is to educate you on what an open relationship really is...

Being in an open Relationship means to ride a love roller-coaster together, where it can go quickly up but also quickly down, where we commit to look at our own shadows and take responsibility to work through our own stuff.

What Open Relationships Are Not
An open relationship is not a "no strings attached" relationship, or a "friends with benefits" relationship. Although people often equate an open relationship with these other types of relationships, there are distinct differences between them.

>No strings attached: A no strings attached relationship focuses on not being accountable to the other person in any way. By contrast, an open relationship does include a certain level of mutual accountability, and both partners consent to the arrangement.

>Friends with benefits: A friends with benefits relationship focuses on the freedom to have sex with friends, without romantic commitment. By contrast, an open relationship is interested in developing deeper levels of rapport and intimacy and not just camaraderie and sexual pleasure.

Do Open Relationships Work?

Open relationships, just like any other relationship, may or may not work. These types of relationships may work if partners have no interest in monogamy, assuming that both partners are honest and have the consent of everyone involved in the relationships. However, they may not work if one or both partners secretly cling to the image of romantic and sexual exclusivity. In that case, jealousy and hurt feelings may override any logical agreements.

There are a wide variety of open-relationship arrangements, and details can vary substantially from one couple to another.

Here Is One Special Case That Has Got Everyone Talking

Two young lovers, Adam Gillet, 27 and Beatrice Gibbs, 22, have been seeing each other for two years now. The duo met through a mutual friend back in 2014. Since the inception of their relationship in April 2015, the pair have had a one-sided open relationship.

The arrangement is that Beatrice is free to have sex with whosoever she may wish, when she wants but Adam is not free to do so too. Beatrice whom Adam wishes to retain had threatened to dump him leading to their adopting the one-sided open relationship arrangement which gives more sexual freedom and privileges to Beatrice. Miss Gibbs affirmed that she is unable to resist other men.

In her words:

“I love Adam, but I wasn’t ready to settle down and commit to just one man.
“I said I had to break up with him so that I wasn’t unfaithful. I didn’t want to hurt him by going behind his back with someone else.
“He was devastated and suggested we stay together but I could sleep with other people, as long as I told him who and when.
 

It’s the perfect situation. I have a boyfriend I love but I also get to have fun with other men when I want to.
“Some people might think I’m having my cake and eating it but we are happy and we’re not causing anyone any harm.”


More confusing were the words that came afterwards. Despite insisting she loves Adam, Beatrice never feels bad after sleeping with another man.

She continued...


 “I don’t feel guilty as we both agreed to our open relationship. I know it must be difficult for him but it’s the only way we could be together.
“The morning I see him after a night out I do sometimes feel a bit bad, but after a cuddle and a chat it’s just us being ­normal in our usual relationship.”


On the flip side, Adam's pulse on the whole situation was assessed too and the young man claims he has gotten used to the one-sided arrangement.

In his words:


“I really like Beatrice and I didn’t want to lose her. I’m happy for her to enjoy herself.
 

“We decided this is the best way to take the relationship forward so I have become used to it. I’m not really interested in chasing other women and I know if I did then Beatrice wouldn’t be happy about it.

I want to keep her in my life and if it takes allowing her this freedom with other men then so be it.
 

“I did feel jealous to begin with, especially after the first time. I still feel a pang of ­jealousy when she mentions what she has been up to, but I keep it inside. I’ve learnt to deal with my feelings about it.”

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